The Rules of the First Date
Author: Tatenda Sithole
Wow. So it’s happened. You have your first date. Maybe you haven’t been on a date for a while, or maybe you’re just fed up of never going further than the first date and want to guarantee that he’ll call again.
Here are some tips you might want to try out if you are looking for more than a one-night stand for your first date:
1. Turn up on time
Now this seems a little bit obvious right? Not so. You’d be amazed how many women think it’s ok to make a grand entrance. Or how being late will make him want you more, blah blah blah. At best he’ll be mildly irritated, at most he’ll think you’re a diva who thinks her time is far more important than his. Either way, not good. Show up on time, he’ll respect you more for it.
2. Make an effort to compliment him too.
If you think he looks good, say so. It doesn’t hurt to let him know that you appreciate that he made the effort for you. It helps break the ice and will rack up your brownie points early on.
3. Dress so you leave something to the imagination.
You’re not going clubbing or on the pull. You want him to get to know you, versus get lost in your endless cleavage. So first date rules are keep it discreet. If you want to show a bit of leg that’s fine as long as it’s not a micro-mini.
Golden rule: if you do decide to do cleavage don’t do legs as well. Leave the visualisations for after your date.
4. Be yourself.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
Seriously, first impressions count. If you want him to date your ‘ideal’ version of yourself then you will always struggle to reconcile the two if you get a second date.
If he’s going to like you then he will like you for who you are. The ‘you’ that your friends and family love and appreciate. Now I’m not saying turn up with your family albums and pet hamster, but don’t act as if you’re trying to secure a job interview. Talk, listen, allow the conversation to flow naturally. You also want to get to know him and see if he is a ‘fit’ for you too.
5. Don’t bring your friends on the date.
Literally or metaphorically.
If you are on a date together then stay away from the distraction of ‘checking in’ with your friends every so often by text. If you have to send a text to confirm that he turned up and the date is going well then make an excuse to go the bathroom and powder your nose.
Apart from that, stay away from tweeting, texting, poking, pinging, whatever until the date is over. Keep your mobile phone in your handbag during the date. After all, you wouldn’t want him to think that your social life is so hectic that it will always creep into any relationship you could have. Would you?
6. Have a fallback list of things to talk about.
Ok, so you’re nervous. But remember so is he.
It helps sometimes to have a go-to list of things that you can talk about if conversation goes a bit stale. Your prior conversations – I’m assuming you did have some? – could be a good start. Maybe some hobbies or interests you discussed that you can find out more about? Now’s a great time to find out about the things that are important to him. What makes him tick? This could be the start of a relationship, not his date with his idol.
If you pull a blank about any of the conversations you’ve had prior to your date – hey it happens – then talk about the weather. And politics. Great fallback topics.
7. Never ever ever talk about your ex.
Unless you met on get over your ex dot com, the average person isn’t going to want to hear the gory details of how your last relationship ended. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you really want to hear how awful she was, how she was terrible at communication, how she forgot to compliment him, how she was always too busy….
These will be major ding ding dings in his head. Because if you’re going to rat on your ex you can almost guarantee that he’ll be the one on the dissecting table if he takes that bold leap.
8. Don’t drink too much.
Alcohol loosens your inhibition.
It’s ok to have a glass if you fancy one, but the further down that wine bottle you go the more you’re going to head into no-woman’s land. If you want to remain objective then give that third glass a miss.
9. Have a get-out clause.
Just in case the date isn’t going well have an exit strategy. Maybe you have a sudden emergency that needs your attention at home? Or even if the date is going well but you know after a certain time you start dancing on the tables and really letting your hair down… Have a believable exit excuse that will make sure he has nothing but the sweetest memories of your time together.
10. Don’t have sex with him.
Yes I said it…
Modern 21st century woman that I am. I didn’t say don’t kiss him. That’s up to you entirely.
But sex is a completely different thing. What if you wake up tomorrow and decide he’s the one? Will he always be wondering just how willing you are to share the goods when the chemistry is right? Or what if he’s not so great in the harsh light of day? You’re now lumbered with having to make awkward excuses – again – to get out of seeing him.
Whatever it is, leave the hasty decisions to the sweet aisle in the supermarket. No matter how great it seems tonight it won’t be your most rational decision tomorrow.
First dates should be fun, and a chance for you to road-test different options before you commit to any one guy. You might just be lucky that your firstie will fall in love with you forever. But if not, you want to be sure you don’t set yourself up for disappointment.