It just doesn’t feel the same: How to spot when your relationship is heading to an end
Author: Tatenda Sithole
Falling in love is fun…
Getting to know someone new, being able to open up to someone who you feel ‘gets’ you. Finally having someone to share all those little things with; it makes you feel less alone.
But all too soon that honeymoon phase fades away and you settle into the relationship. For some people this could work out just fine, and you can have a happy event-free relationship. But for others eventually the chinks start to show. It stops feeling so special anymore. The little quirks that you used to love about your partner start to drive you crazy. And sometimes – not all the time mind you – you just feel as if there’s no point any more.
If you’re stuck in a rut and have tried everything you can think of to keep things together with no luck, then you might want to give your relationship the relationship check-up and see if you are truly headed down that one-way street of break up-ville.
You have nothing in common anymore.
Remember when you used to finish each other’s sentences? And how you could just talk and talk for hours?
Well, if you find that you are suffering from long awkward silences where none of you can find anything to talk about then this is a bad sign. And the practical things don’t count. Asking if you’ve taken the trash out doesn’t count as a deep conversation.
You also find that you have no common ground anymore. Maybe you had hobbies in common. Or you had ‘your thing’ that you used to do that would drive your friends crazy. Well, that’s gone. So is the spark.
He makes excuses so he spends less time with you.
It could be anything from work, going to hang with the boys, a newfound hobby that you really wouldn’t be interested in, or just long disappearances with no explanations. If he would rather spend time with anyone but you, then maybe he’s trying to say something?
His body language towards you changes
A man in love: sits leaning into you. He opens up his body language so he is ‘enveloping’ you so you feel more secure. He wants you to feel that he is there in every way possible and welcomes you into him. He wants to maintain eye contact when you are addressing him. He laughs at your silly jokes (and you know you’re not that funny). And he constantly wants to touch you.
A man who is no longer interested: uses his body as a shield or barrier. Imagine him sitting next to you with his arms crossed. His leg is crossed so that he is effectively barring you from physical contact. His back could be turned to you slightly so that you find yourself leaning forward to initiate conversation. Get the picture? Eye contact is not so great here, maybe he avoids your gaze and constantly looks away. If you are honest with yourself you can tell that he really doesn’t want to be here with you.
Intimacy flies out the window.
There’s no nice way to put it. He just doesn’t want to do it anymore. And not just sex, he’s not tactile any more. Maybe that canyon between you in bed seems ever bigger. If you do accidentally brush into each other it sends an electric jolt down your back. It’s not that comfortable sexy anticipation, more like an alien feeling that neither of you can conceptualise. It doesn’t feel comfortable being around each other. That my friend is a sign that the love is gone.
You’re fighting more. Even the small things are an issue.
Because you’re not communicating about the little things anymore you will probably find that you have no idea what makes him tick any more. He’s probably feeling the same way. So you might find that small things rile you up more than they should. You seem to be fighting about everything almost. When you can’t agree on something it spills over into argument zone. And Lord forbid if someone should try to be ‘right’ all the time.
Arguments ‘carry over’
Yesterday you asked him to take out the garbage. He didn’t so you did it. But not before you’d given him your two cents. Today he left the toilet seat up again! And you didn’t say anything about it, but yesterday was supposed to be his turn to cook.
Before you know it you’re having arguments about arguments that you started days or weeks ago. You become the world’s best accountants as you suddenly discover that you can keep perfect track of all the things he’s done wrong to really ride up your last nerve.
He needs his ‘space’
This could be an innocent enough cry for help. But if you find your man is retreating into his man-cave more and more and not opening up to you then it’s time to get the emergency intervention going.
He constantly puts you down and finds ways to belittle you in public.
This goes both ways. Have you been around couples who seem to take their battle-field out into the real world? Very embarrassing for the rest of us who never air our dirty laundry in public of course lol!
Easily done though. Again this goes back to the desire to always be right when you argue. Maybe he said something totally stupid in your last match and you know your point was valid. Now that you’ve got his friends or family round you can get them to see just how stupid his way of thinking was? Great idea? Definitely not!
© Photographer: Jason Stitt | Agency: Dreamstime.com
You begin to fantasise about a perfect life without him.
You have done so much and said so much that you are starting to accept that maybe this relationship isn’t the one for you. You’re human. You start to imagine what it would be like if you didn’t have to deal with this guy anymore. What life would be like with your version of Prince Charming. This is the point where you probably want to start searching for the nearest relationship counsellor. Or pack your bags….