Metro-sexual or just gay: how can you tell?
Author: Tatenda Sithole
We can’t win can we? For decades women have been singing out loud that they wish men would embrace more of the feminine qualities they loved. Someone who was not afraid to look after their appearance, who actually watched a chick flick and was not afraid to say it, and someone who was not afraid to cry.
So why oh why do we now complain when we spot a gorgeous hunk who is preened like a peacock and oozing charm and we can’t tell whether he’s straight; gay; or just really into his personal appearance? Are we finding ourselves more and more attracted to sexually ambiguous looking men and not feeling so good about where that lands us when we find out the truth either way.
Well, I’ve done a bit of hunting round, asked a few gay friends…. And also asked a few females who have tried to pull a guy only to find out he is gay…. And I’ve come up with a few things that they all said to look out for that should wise you up to whether he is gay or not.
Oh, and the whole him being effeminate thing…? Nah, not a sure sign.
So let’s have a look at some of the things to keep in mind if you’re trying to spot if a man could be batting for the same team:
1) First off we need to get a few definitions out of the way.
I’m assuming if you are a woman interested in men then you are heterosexual. Likewise a man who is interested in women is heterosexual.
A man who is interested in both men and women is bisexual.
A man who is interested in men, women, transsexual, or any other gender identity, is polysexual. He is not necessarily attracted to all these genders, but there is a good chance he is attracted to quite a few.
A man who is attracted to people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation is pansexual.
A man who is attracted to other men is homosexual.
And here’s one that will really get your head in a spin. A man who has sex with other men (MSM for those that like their acronyms. Not to be confused with MSG, nothing to do with food folks…) could fall into any of the above categories. It is important to realise that there are men out there who consider themselves heterosexual even though they engage in sexual activity with other men. You have to respect that if you meet them. It is a thing. They’re not messing with your mind. Societal restraints, their perceptions of themselves as masculine men, religious guilt… All sorts of things could stop them from identifying as being anything other than heterosexual.
2) First red flag for the gay man: he compliments or comments on other men’s physiques and masculinity excessively.
Now there is nothing wrong with giving credit where it’s due. But this guy will go into gorgeously yummy details about how sexy or how masculine the other guy is.
3) He checks out other men.
Men can’t help it, they are visual creatures. And because of that they do like to check out what attracts them. When you are out with this guy is his gaze constantly wandering to the waiters’ butts? Or is he smiling shyly at other men like he’s flirting? Oops! Keep your eyes peeled.
4) He loves those beauty pageant/women’s lifestyle programmes more than you do.
Hey, this is not a be-all red flag. But enough people mentioned it that I thought it might be worth mentioning. So if he’s begging you to do an evening in of pampering and watching Miss Super Top Model you should be raising an eyebrow. Gay guys have an appreciation of overt expressions of femininity. And pageants are right up there in that category.
5) He flies into a rage when you bring up the dreaded ‘G’ word.
Yep, you heard it. Hey, I even dated a guy like this once. Sad times, sad times… When you discuss your gay buddies, or anything that could even be remotely gay he flies off the handle. Big time. Even when it’s not that big a deal, and you are just talking about something completely unrelated to whether he should be poking them or not. This guy hangs onto his masculinity so strongly you can hear the fibres stretch. Maybe he hasn’t come to terms with those awkward teenage feelings of curiosity? Maybe in his heart he knows, and he knows if he indulges he’s gone forever? Simply put the skeletons in his closet are so tired of being stuck in there they built a play-centre to keep themselves entertained. Whatever his deal is either steer clear or get him to accept that ‘it’s ok’ to have these feelings.
6) He watches gay porn.
Again, this is not a be-all red flag. Surprisingly huh? After all there are women out there who like to watch gay porn. It doesn’t mean they want to go have a sex change and jump on the bandwagon. It just shows a healthy fascination with portrayals of sexuality and attraction amongst consenting adults. But if boy-oh is regularly tuning in to gay porn sites I would be worried. If he is going onto online forums for the homosexual community, or meeting hubs… I would imagine it’s safe to say that he’s not there just for the quick DIYoption.
7) He has specific and elaborate fantasies involving encounters with other men. Again this would be a good time to find out just how far his desires towards having an encounter have gone. Maybe he has been fantasising for a while. Maybe he has made contact with other people who share these fantasies? Maybe he has his fantasy right down to where they will meet, how they communicate, what will happen, who initiates what…? Ding ding ding! Alarm bell!
8) He has a really good male friend and they do ‘everything’ together.
Maybe the object of your affection is an MSM (man who has sex with men)? Maybe he ‘knows’ already but is too shy to admit it to anyone else. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy had a really good friend who he spent all his spare time with. Sometimes having sleepovers, or going on long weekends away together… and then it turns out he was sleeping with him all along. I’m just saying…
9) He doesn’t seem to have dated any females before you.
Shock shock horror! You’ve been doing your background research on the guy and it seems he’s been saving himself. Like really saving himself. So much so that there is no sign of even a sneaky booty call in his past. It’s not so bad if he’s like 18 and still getting past his acne phase. But in his 30s or older and no sign of an ex-girlfriend? Mmm… Norman Bates much? Or just Master Bates?
Whatever it is after 30s be worried… And after all haven’t you two been dating forever but never moved past the peck on the cheek phase?
10) He has loads of gay friends and goes out to gay bars.
Metro (2008): Women who like to watch gay porn