How to let him down lightly
Author: Tatenda Sithole
Breaking up is never easy to do. Especially if you are the one having to do the breaking up. While there is no nice way to end a relationship here are some things you should keep in mind that will make it easier on both of you.
i) Use language he understands. If he won’t ‘hear’ your soft version to try and ease him into it then you will just need to be blunt. That’s not an excuse to be cruel, but basically let him know that no matter what tomorrow brings you will still feel the same; that you want out.
ii) Blame yourself. No doubt he will hate you anyway, so you might as well say things along the lines to re-enforce the things he will be thinking about you anyway. Maybe you aren’t ready for commitment with anyone. Or maybe you didn’t realise you have serious issues that you just can’t get over. Thank him for having changed your life, and it’s because you respect him so much that you feel you have to let him move on and find someone who can give him what he wants.
iii) Use definite language. Don’t use statements that will make him think there might be a chance for him at some point in the future. Things like, it’s not the right time could be misunderstood to mean if he comes back later it might be more likely to happen then.
When you let him down make sure no means no. Don’t leave him hanging just in case you get bored or lonely and need a ‘back-up’ option in the future. This is a human being you are dealing with. Treat him the way you would want to be treated.
iv) Don’t feel the need to meet him in person to let him down. Just tell him at an opportune time. If you meet and the conversation comes up then do it then. Otherwise you can lay out your reasons virtually. Chances are he won’t feel that great if you drag him across town for dinner only to break up with him after dessert. Not sexy.
v) Take the time out for yourself after your break-up. Don’t feel the need to keep checking on him to make sure he’s ok. That just confuses him even more and might make him think you might consider coming back to him after all.
If in doubt, just do what you would respect someone doing to you. There is no right or wrong way to break up with someone, but the most important thing is that you don’t disrespect him. After all he was cool enough for you to hang with for so long. He doesn’t become the world’s top loser just because he’s the ex.