Author: Lauren Kelli
He’s seen you without makeup, seen you puking, and knows you only wash your bra once a month. You’ve seen the skidmarks on his underwear, seen him cough up phlegm into the kitchen sink, and smelt him at his stinkiest. Aren’t long-term relationships the absolute best? The comfort level there is just amazing, but sometimes that can be part of the problem. You get into a nice routine, the love is still there, but it’s built on what has happened in the past. The passion you felt in the beginning has waned and it may seem like you’ve hit a brick wall in your relationship, that you’ve gone as far as you can go or that you’re as “in love” as you can be. All of this is pretty normal, though probably not desirable. So what do you do to regain that spark? How do you continue to grow the love that brought the two of you to this point? In short, the little things. They make the love go around and around.
Life isn’t made of big Disney romance moments. Your partner might rent out a stadium or skywrite to propose to you, but that won’t happen every day. Big romantic gestures are rare—that is what makes them special. But a long term relationship needs more than a giant burst of lovey, squishy feelings every once in a while to remain satisfactory, it needs a constant supply of fuel to keep the fire going. Do little things every day to make your partner feel special (and hope they reciprocate!), and notice when they do things that show their affection for you, perhaps things that neither of you even notice anymore. Does he like to listen to dubstep at full volume when he first wakes up to help him get pumped for the day while you prefer peace and quiet? Notice when he turns down the volume or turns the music off completely when you enter the room. Compare that to how inconsiderate other people are—coworkers who don’t care if country music gives you an instant headache and makes you feel homicidal (by god, they are going to listen to their Garth Brooks anyway, dammit!) or the person in the grocery store who angrily rams your buggy when you take too long at the ice cream (while he patiently stands there holding your hand, even though he would rather be at home in his underwear, napping or playing COD). He doesn’t have to do any of that for you, after all, no one else does, but he cares about your feelings enough to do things that might inconvenience him or that he might not normally do.
Additionally, try to moderate the amount of time you spend together and what you do during that time. If you tend to spend every waking moment together, try spending a little less to keep some mystery in your relationship. Have lives outside of each other so that when you are together; you will have new things to report and new stories to tell. Also, a little time apart definitely helps you realize how much you miss and need them. If you find yourself spending little to no time together, start setting aside time just for the two of you, and use it to talk about yourselves (rather than kids, chores, family obligations, etc.). Maybe try learning a new skill together (take a tango class, or learn morse code) so that you can have something new to talk about and bond over. Whatever you do, DO NOT use this time to fight.
Also…getting it on helps too. Experiment, get wild and pull out the handcuffs and feathers. Never underestimate the power of foreplay and sex.