This week’s edition: Words that Describe My Actual Day Job
1) GARRULOUS (adj)
What it means: Pointlessly talkative, talking too much
Example 1: Not only does the secretary at my work do nothing but online shop, but she is irritatingly garrulous. She talks incessantly, annoying those who work in their office and occasionally venturing out to find new victims. If her vocal cords disappeared, the rest of the employees would probably throw a party.
Example 2: I sometimes wish I were more garrulous so that I could drown out the cursing and screaming of my immediate boss.
2) IMPORTUNE (verb)
What it means: to ask incessantly, beg, nag
Example 1: My coworkers and bosses importune me constantly to fix their technological problems and machinery but pay me just over minimum wage because the job I do is a “minimum wage job,” albeit one they can’t do on their own.
3) IMPUNITY (noun)
What it means: immunity from punishment, penalty, or harm
Example 1: At my workplace, if you are family or if you are an uneducated backwoods redneck who has worked for the company for 20 years simply because you have no other skills, you can do whatever like with impunity, even if it’s discriminating against other employees, openly hostile behavior, or even being exceedingly disrespectful to upper management.
Example 2: When new rules are instated, you can count on one of the warehouse employees to be flouting the restrictions within a a month with no impunity, while other employees are castigated and verbally assaulted.
4) MISANTHROPE (noun)
What it means: one who hates humankind
Example 1: I’m afraid that working at my day job is turning me into a misanthrope with homicidal tendencies because I’m starting to hate everyone and dream of firebombing the premises.
Example 2: I’m not the only one this place is warping; my usually sweet-tempered mother has begun to show her misanthropic tendencies when she agreed with me when I expressed my sadness that one of the senile owners didn’t die during surgery and when I voiced my wishes for a good portion of the staff to contract syphilis and get hit by a train.
5) MAUNDER (verb)
What it means: to talk or move aimlessly, mutter
Example 1: My immediate boss constantly maunders while trying to look like she is working, but has the nerve to denigrate me when I stop working to take 2 seconds to fix a fallen ponytail.
Example 2: The senile owners of the business at which I work maunder, muttering and puttering around while impeding their employees’ work, causing trouble, and starting drama.