You feel as though your heart is ripping into a million pieces and your stomach is doing cartwheels. The pain you feel is indescribable; he/she can’t be gone. Losing someone you love is a heart wrenching experience that some people never really overcome. It is hard knowing either that the person had to suffer in his/her final hours or that you can’t do anything to bring him/her back. It feels as though you have lost a very important part of you- an appendage you can’t live without. How can you get over this hurt? How can you overcome the pain? The following tips can possibly act as a source of comfort in your time of grief.
Let the Tears Flow
Yes, you want to be strong for everyone around you. However, you can’t forget that you’re also experiencing loss. Don’t be afraid to just let all of the tears flow. Let them cascade down your face and form puddles on the ground. According to Benedict Carey in his article The Muddled Tracks of All Those Tears, researchers have discovered that crying has a cathartic effect. Releasing the pain and hurt you are experiencing through tears can be a great source of comfort. Nevertheless, Carey also points out that crying does not have the same effect for everyone. So, what else can you do when crying isn’t enough?
Cherish the Good Memories
This may seem cliché, but reminiscing on all of the good times you shared with this person can help you to deal with the grief. It is very easy to focus on all of the things you wish you could have done for him/her. However, your loved one would never want you to be wallowing in despair. Flip through some old family photos and share your stories with anyone who will listen. Smile at the memories and never let them go.
Some people are extremely strong and independent. They have developed a resilience to make it through life alone. Others need to have someone in their corners- that sole individual who they can reveal their hearts to. If you fall in the latter group, don’t be afraid to find that support in a friend or relative. True friends never leave your side and are there for you in both the good and the bad times. Don’t suffer alone. Also, don’t be afraid to move on and create a new life with someone else. It is hard to consider marrying someone else when your heart belongs to another, but you can find the same or even greater love with someone else. Give it a chance. You will never forget your deceased spouse, but don’t cling on to the past when the future is still within your reach.
Find a Hobby
In times of grief it is important to occupy your mind. If you don’t then you will find that all you do is reminisce and cry. So, try something that you have always wanted to do. Probably you wanted to learn to play the guitar or take up a cooking class. Although it is true that taking up a hobby won’t prevent you from reminiscing outside of the time you dedicate to the hobby, it is an important strategy that can be used to occupy your mind. Finding a hobby can also take you out of solitude and bring you amongst people who can help you to find the joy in life again.
Generally, when someone has just lost a loved one, all he/she wants to do is curl up in bed and cry. This is fine and it is important for you to fully grieve and process your emotions. However, it is possible that this grief can turn into depression if you don’t control it. So, make a special effort to go out and be amongst people who make you happy. Food and good company can transform your pain into laughter and fill your heart with joy that you never knew you could ever find again.
Losing a loved one is always hard. You may feel that you will never be able to overcome the pain. However, there is always light at the end of the tunnel and following the tips I mentioned can help you to see the joy in life again.